An Open Letter to All College Students

Dear College Students of America,

What an interesting time in your life, to be legally an adult; able to vote and live and die for your country. To be able to enter into marriage and other contracts, or poison your body with cigarettes. All without parental consent. To have all of that freedom and all of those "perks", yet somehow not all the responsibilities. You don't feel like a kid. You're all grown. You wear what you want, you don't have a curfew, you probably even have friends who live off-campus in their own houses or apartments. Maybe you are even one of those off-campus people who "lives on their own".

I'm here to give you a wakeup call. Being a real adult is more than just an ID card that says you're 18 or 21. It's more than even just having a job or paying some bills. It's perspective. It's the way you think about and relate to the world around you. The troubles you have now will go away, but they will be replaced with bigger ones.

I want to see you as an adult, I really do. First of all, legally, you are one. And sometimes I see so much of myself in you; you're energetic, creative, fun, sometimes surprisingly insightful and compassionate. For the most part, you bring a lot to my life and you make me a better person, which I'm greatful for. But it's really hard to see you as a grown up sometimes. You don't have patience. Like Veruca Salt, you want it all, and you want it now. You focus, sometimes even obssess, over things that don't matter. You're unprofessional, from showing up late to class to wearing leggings to the Career Fair.

Being as involved on campus as I am, I get the opportunity to observe you every step of the way. How are you are in class, in clubs, doing service projects, participating in professional development. And let me tell you, despite that I still believe you have good intentions, you miss the mark a lot:

1. You blame others for your problems. You know who does that? A child does that. A grown up accepts responsibility and learns from their shortfalls. None of us are perfect. Never screwing up doens't make you an adult, and refusal to accept that makes you look even more immature.

2. While you blame others for your mistakes, you're also less than gracious when others make mistakes. Everyone these days is busy, stretched too thin. Yet, you only see a person in relation to what you want from them, not the whole of that person. And when things don't go your way, my, do you ever criticize. You are the first to point it out and you're less than kind or tactful about it. Don't forget that other people have feelings, too.

3. You get angry about the most asinine things. I'm sorry, but winning Greek Week does not get put on a resume. Stop worrying about flag football and who is taking who to the Blizzard Ball. Some things, like intramurals, Greek Week, dances, and open mic night, are simply designed for you to have FUN! Now yes, I'm competetive too.  From wanting the cutest outfit to being the best I can be on the field or the best singer at karaoke night, so I can see why it can matter to you. But it's about making memories, not about winning.

Instead-

4. Focus on what you SHOULD be doing in your clubs and activities, like taking on leadership roles, winning honors, AND KEEPING YOUR GRADES UP! Those are the things that matter, those are the things that develop skills and get you jobs.

5. Speaking of jobs, you have no clue what it means to be professional. From improperly addressing an e-mail (they're mail, not text messages, so treat them that way), to the sandals, leggings, skinny jeans (jeans at all!) and 5 inch heels I see you wearing at job fairs. In the 9-5 world, you will not be communicating or dressing the way you are now. So try to put professionalism into practice, ASAP.

6. You have a lack of foresight with money issues. You say you don't have the money to buy a suit, study abroad, pay your tuition. Yet, you're at the mall, you're at the bar, you're on spring break, you have unlimited data on your iPhone 5. Invest in some professional clothes. Invest in your education. Save what you can. It's more than worth it. Ten years from now, what's a few less Playstation games or bar nights when you have less loan debt or can boast a semester in Greece on your resume?

7. You're great with ideas and theories, but individuals, not so much. You all want to change the world, which is admirable. But before you can change the world, you must start within yourself and the people around you. You look like a hypocrite when you raise money for charity, but then turn around and make fun of someone or cuss them out. "Charity starts at home."

Even those of you who are normally mature and seem put together falter. I don't expect you to be perfect, but you do need to understand that you are not exempt from the rules just because you're a star. The world doesn't revolve around or stop for you. You have just as much right as anyone else to let off some steam, cut loose or be a bum once in a while, but never at the expense of others or against the established rules of conduct. Right now you're a big fish in a small pond. That's going to change. Another big fish or even a shark will come along or you'll graduate, and before you realize it, you're a small fish in an ocean. And all the little fishes you once overlooked or stepped on, they won't be there to help you navigate or lend you a hand.

I'm only making these points because I think you are completely capable adjusting your perspective a little bit. It's time to start seeing the big picture because it's a big world. Not only does this make life easier for the people around you, but you'll have a better time too. Realize that the priorities that you have now are very temporary and fleeting, you must start transitioning into what you truly value and in long-term goals. Not only will you feel less stressed now, but it will make going from college to career less stressful and almost seamless.

Be well and love each other,

Stacy

"Nice Guys"

Something which I felt the need post about because I've been reading about it a lot lately: What is the deal with "nice guys"? I see it on the Reddit forums, I read it in articles online, and I've seen it with my own experience dating. A lot of men label themselves "Nice Guys", and all I see is how bitter and disrespectful they are. I personally, have never once whined about being a "Nice Girl". I think I get friend zoned, but I don't blame it on people. I'm just a great friend, rarely act on my emotions, and I'm ordinary enough where I can fit that friend category well. But you know what? That is not the only reason why you should date someone. What about what else we have in common? What about how attracted we are to each other? Lifestyle? Values? Chemistry? Those things are important too, so I don't get too bent out of shape. You can't force these things.

One of my favorite movies is "The Wedding Date" with Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney, you should check it out. Debra's character hires Dermot's character to be her date to her little sister's wedding so that she doesn't have to face her overbearing family (mother) and the best man (her ex) alone. His character tells her that, "every woman has the exact love life she wants". I'm not saying this is true of everyone or every situation, what strides is a person living in their parents' basement, spending 99% of their life playing WoW and on reddit making to find a life, let alone a love life? Or the people who stubbornly ignore the boundaries set by others? I've tried online dating and I set very exact parameters because I don't want to waste anyone's time. I want my own family, so I don't want someone more than 10 years older than me, and I want to have a proper relationship despite my busy schedule, so I don't want someone too far from me. Yet, I would receive message after message from men in their 40's and 50's, or from far away states. One man (in his mid 40's) went so far as to send me multiple messages and then a nasty message telling me that men resort to obscene messages because women "like me" ignore "nice guys like him".  I didn't decline his advances because he was "too nice" or for any superficial reason. It was because in my profile, I stated my preferences, he ignored them. I told him it wouldn't work and why, yet he continued. What part of that, or his final e-mail to me was "nice"?

The point is, it wasn't nice. Not at all. It seems to me, that some men think that just because they don't look like Ryan Reynolds, or act like a "bro", they're automatically a "nice guy". Or just because someone hurt them, they are a "nice guy". Guess what! You're not. Every person out there is different and has a story.  For example, I really wouldn't categorize anyone I've personally dated as a "bad guy". Not right for me, well, yeah. In my adventures though, there have been friends made, horrible first dates, broken hearts, you name it. That's what dating is, though! It's not all sunshine and roses. If you let it make you hard or bitter, that's on you. That's not on me or any other woman to restore your faith in dating or fix you. You have to do that yourself. No one owes you a date, a relationship, or sex, just because you're "nice" or don't "force" yourself on us, ("Gee, thanks for not kidnapping/killing/raping/beating me, I guess I should be grateful."/sarcasm). Also, re-think your definition of "nice". Is it being polite and putting other's first? Is it going out and meeting like-minded people? Is it being the best version of yourself and happy BEFORE you start looking for love and casting judgement? Because it should be.

So anyone out there, guy or girl, who wants to call themselves "nice", check yo self 'fore you wreck yo self.