For as long as I can remember, I've been one to push boundaries. To ask crazy questions. To live in the grey space. I've challanged my mother and her conventions every inch of the way. "Life doesn't exisist in a vacuum!" was almost a mantra to me. Sometimes I blurred the lines because compromise was an easier way to get things done and move on, which is something else I am good at. Other times, I blurred the lines because it was easier for me to live with certain realities if I allowed for that grey space.
Several months ago, I was with a good friend with whom I've had many in-depth and existential conversations, usually over a few beers. He told me that wasn't good enough. I laughed him off. Being a free-spirit is one of the things I love most about myself. It has always been way too hard to define myself as one thing or another because I use my intuition to make my mind up. My opinions, while generally well-researched and deliberate, are all over the spectrum and atypical.
Yet recently, I've started to think that there is a little bit of truth to needing to make things black and white. Blurring the lines is not always the best practice in life. Compromise is not always the most constructive way to get things done. Because sometimes there just simply is a right and wrong way to do things. And while I've always prided myself on my ability to make decisions when it seems like so many people are indecisive, maybe I haven't aways made the best decision because I was too busy trying to appease everyone or just get it done.
I don't often wear my heart on my sleeve, so it's easy for me to push my personal feelings aside in favor of diplomacy and efficiency. Even though I try not to let emotion cloud my judgement, there are times that my intuition and emotions become tied together; it's hard to tell the difference between what logic is telling me and what my heart sees when looking at another person's face or hearing their voice.
As I leave behind my young adulthood, I realize more and more that despite my past practices, blurring the lines has a tendancy to leave things more complicated than simple. I find myself looking for rules and order because I want to make the right choice. I realize that sometimes I can't just count on my gut to make ALL of my decisions. While my self confidence is probably at it's all-time best, there's a sort of freedom in knowing that you don't know everything. And I'm learning to trust. To trust myself, and even to trust other people, which is something that I never do, despite the fact that some people have earned it many times over.
I've mentioned before that I work in higher ed. Therefore, I'm around a lot of people who are legally adults, but who are nowhere near truly being adult. They make a lot of bad decisions, and it's frustrating to watch, especially when I see so much potential in them. For the past few years, I've been trying to take advantage of opportunities to mentor some of my students. I had some wonderful mentors over the years and I wanted to pay it forward. I've tried to be a friend, older sister, authoritarian, even at times, a fear monger to them. And I've found that you can't tell people anything they don't want to hear.
I've been taken advantage of and interrupted, now my own limits and boundaries tested. I firmly believe we teach people how to treat us, and I was not teaching a lesson that I intended. A lot of the error in my ways was because I had blurred the lines so much. Having an open-door policy and being a free-spirit wasn't doing me any favors in this aspect of my life. Some people may have no problems being 100% politically correct and appropriate, but that's not me. I missed having an outlet, and I realized that I was giving too much of myself where I shouldn't. So, it was time to take the figurative machete to my facebook and twitter page. Not only was I clearing my newsfeed, I was re-drawing a line in the sand. A line between my personal and professional life, a line between those I wanted to share with and those I didn't.
I'm still friends (both in real life and online) with many of my colleagues, as well as friends I haven't seen in years. These friendships have been fostered by years of working together, stressful situations, undergrad school, graduate school, many late nights, and a handful (or two) of happy hours. This is one line that likely won't ever not be blurry. While of course it's not without complications, the respect we have for each other is real and highly valued. That's not to say there aren't some people in my life and on my friends list that I'd rather not share EVERYTHING with. What ever happened to facebook letting you sort your friends into groups with different access levels, anyway? But I don't post inappropriate or highly personal things on my page, so I just let it slide.
Maybe there's a reason why "older people" are so set in their ways and, to my way of thinking, unable to adapt or change. It's been a source of frustration for me for years because I could never understand it. My world was (and at times, still is) always changing, I didn't want to be left behind. I'm as stubborn and hard headed as they come, but I could never be accused of being rigid or a wet blanket. But always going with the flow isn't a good idea. The tide can pull you somewhere you shouldn't or don't want to be.
Your values and priorities tend to change over the years. The security and stability that my parents provided me with for so many years is what allowed me to place a high value on flexibility, creativity, free thinking, and change. They worried about things that I either took for granted or that weren't even on my radar, whether it was praying for my soul or buying my books for college.
Now that my mind has shifted to other things and my future, so have my priorities. Things such as my health, my salary, and my stability are now things that value in a way I never did before. And when you're looking at something like your health or paying your bills each month, there is no grey area. You're either healthy or you're not. You're in the red or the black. There is no in between.
Blurring the lines became a sort of habit for me. Internally, I knew, or thought I knew, where the lines were, but I wasn't making them apparent to other people. Those closest to me know where my heart and mind truly lies, but what about the roughly hundred other people I interacted with on a daily basis? I'm not looking to make a drastic change in my personal politics, but maybe it's time to take all that grey space and put it into focus. With the proper lens, maybe I'll see more of a checkerboard.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
You had a toy and you broke it.
I was watching reruns of one of my favorite shows, How I Met Your Mother, and it was the episode directly after Ted is left at the altar. For those of you who aren't viewers, I'll give you the reader's digest version: The main character, Ted is set to marry the woman he thinks is "the one", Stella. However, she leaves him after seeing her ex who has had a change of heart and can commit to her and their daughter. Realizing that she, too, has unresolved feelings, she leaves Ted a note.
Cut to Ted putting half the island of Manhattan on restriction because he cannot run into Stella. He can't go anywhere that is too close to her gym, her dry cleaner, her eye doctor, and so on. Ted's friends are frustrated because they can't eat at the favorite places, and up until that point, they had thought Ted was dealing really well with the situation. Now what to do they do? They eventually find a restaruant in a "safe" zone, but of course since this is a television program; Stella enters to grab some food to go, causing the 5 to hide under the table. While there, the characters talk about the person in their lives that they simply can't bear seeing and the reason why.
This got me thinking about the places or people I avoid. I know I have them. There are the places I can't go because of botched first dates, events I don't go to because of friendships that came to an impasse, etc. Confession time; I'm terrified to go to my gym because I once went on a date with a guy who is also a member. We didn't meet at the gym, but I know he goes there. After the date, I never called back (I know this is immature and mean). Now I use the gym at work, or plan to go to the gym when I'm pretty sure he won't be there.
All of these things, these instances, both those that are my fault and those that aren't, remind me of a time that I was talking to a friend that found themselves in a similar situation. There was relationship that went sour and while that was regrettable, it wasn't completely unexpected. My friend hadn't been ready for things to go that way and never wanted to hurt the other party. And my response was "You had a toy, and you broke it. That's what you did."
Now, of course I never meant to imply that people are "toys", yet in the moment, I just blurted out the line and it's been an inside joke ever since. But I still think the metaphor rings true. In a way, I was calling out my friend on they way they handled things. Sometimes, we want things the way a child wants things. Then we get them, and we destroy them. Once that happens, we don't always get another chance to fix things or make them right. Ted wanted to get married so badly, he ignored Stella's request to not have exes at the wedding. And while Stella's character is the "bad guy", it doesn't change the fact that Ted was blind about her and consequences. I hesitate using my regular gym because I was short-sighted about the consequences of my actions. One uncomfortable conversation could have saved me a whole lot of long-term anxiety. And it could be that he also now feels anxious about using that gym, the way Ted did after Stella dissed him.
I'm not saying that every person and every thing is so completely breakable that we're all just the walking wounded and wounders of this world. That's no way to go through life, so it's time to put your big girl or boy pants on. There's a lot to be said for experience and heartbreak. It shapes us and builds character. It makes us who we are. I am actually extremely grateful for a lot of things and people that might otherwise be seen as failures, because I chose to learn from them and take them for what they are and move on. Now maybe it's time to rejoin my favorite Body Works class to prove that I've learned the lesson of facing up to my mistakes, too.
Cut to Ted putting half the island of Manhattan on restriction because he cannot run into Stella. He can't go anywhere that is too close to her gym, her dry cleaner, her eye doctor, and so on. Ted's friends are frustrated because they can't eat at the favorite places, and up until that point, they had thought Ted was dealing really well with the situation. Now what to do they do? They eventually find a restaruant in a "safe" zone, but of course since this is a television program; Stella enters to grab some food to go, causing the 5 to hide under the table. While there, the characters talk about the person in their lives that they simply can't bear seeing and the reason why.
This got me thinking about the places or people I avoid. I know I have them. There are the places I can't go because of botched first dates, events I don't go to because of friendships that came to an impasse, etc. Confession time; I'm terrified to go to my gym because I once went on a date with a guy who is also a member. We didn't meet at the gym, but I know he goes there. After the date, I never called back (I know this is immature and mean). Now I use the gym at work, or plan to go to the gym when I'm pretty sure he won't be there.
All of these things, these instances, both those that are my fault and those that aren't, remind me of a time that I was talking to a friend that found themselves in a similar situation. There was relationship that went sour and while that was regrettable, it wasn't completely unexpected. My friend hadn't been ready for things to go that way and never wanted to hurt the other party. And my response was "You had a toy, and you broke it. That's what you did."
Now, of course I never meant to imply that people are "toys", yet in the moment, I just blurted out the line and it's been an inside joke ever since. But I still think the metaphor rings true. In a way, I was calling out my friend on they way they handled things. Sometimes, we want things the way a child wants things. Then we get them, and we destroy them. Once that happens, we don't always get another chance to fix things or make them right. Ted wanted to get married so badly, he ignored Stella's request to not have exes at the wedding. And while Stella's character is the "bad guy", it doesn't change the fact that Ted was blind about her and consequences. I hesitate using my regular gym because I was short-sighted about the consequences of my actions. One uncomfortable conversation could have saved me a whole lot of long-term anxiety. And it could be that he also now feels anxious about using that gym, the way Ted did after Stella dissed him.
I'm not saying that every person and every thing is so completely breakable that we're all just the walking wounded and wounders of this world. That's no way to go through life, so it's time to put your big girl or boy pants on. There's a lot to be said for experience and heartbreak. It shapes us and builds character. It makes us who we are. I am actually extremely grateful for a lot of things and people that might otherwise be seen as failures, because I chose to learn from them and take them for what they are and move on. Now maybe it's time to rejoin my favorite Body Works class to prove that I've learned the lesson of facing up to my mistakes, too.
Friday, January 18, 2013
SPRING BREAK!
Ah Spring Break. The stuff that dreams, bad decisions, and embarrassing tattoos are made of.
When I was a student, I never went on Spring Break. Spring break always came around the time I had run out of funds and the motivation to do anything besides sleep. But two years ago, I went on my first ever spring break trip. To Birmingham, Alabama. With me, I took another colleague, 2 mini vans, and nine of the most amazing students I've ever known. Together with some of our friends from Penn State and St. Joes, we worked with Habitat for Humanity for the week. One day we were putting siding, the next, painting. We did it all. From laying subfloors to organizing the warehouse.
My least favorite part: Installing doors. Wretched job.
Favorite part: Reading the family stories at each work site. I learned a lot, not only about how to build houses, but also about H4H. These homes aren't "given" to people. These men and women are mothers, fathers, they're working more than one job. They pay mortgages on these homes once they move in. The homes aren't fancy. And while you have people who work for H4H, most of the work is done by volunteers. College students, churches, concerned citizens.
On our first day, it was freezing. You would think that mid-March in the deep south would be decently warm. It was not. It was flurrying snow in AL, while it was unseasonably warm in PA, this is what our work site looked like:
We used the wood scraps to build a fire for short breaks while we put up siding.
By Friday, we were so invested in our projects, that we stayed an hour or so longer just to get the houses ready for the blitz build that was coming in on Saturday:
We also had a bit of fun. After work each day, we would cook dinner together, play board games, or watch movies in the church basement we were staying in. We would regroup about our days, our feelings, out thoughts, etc.
One of the most moving parts of the trip was visiting the Civil Rights Museum in downtown. They don't let you take photos inside, but either way, I think everyone should go there and learn something. But it on your bucket list:
So why am I telling you all this? About a trip I took two years ago? When spring break is 2 months away?
It just so happens that yesterday I agreed to go on Alternative Spring Break again. Again working with Habitat, and I cannot wait! I had such a great time the first time I went. Now if they will just teach me to install flooring and cabinets, maybe I can fix up my house....
When I was a student, I never went on Spring Break. Spring break always came around the time I had run out of funds and the motivation to do anything besides sleep. But two years ago, I went on my first ever spring break trip. To Birmingham, Alabama. With me, I took another colleague, 2 mini vans, and nine of the most amazing students I've ever known. Together with some of our friends from Penn State and St. Joes, we worked with Habitat for Humanity for the week. One day we were putting siding, the next, painting. We did it all. From laying subfloors to organizing the warehouse.
My least favorite part: Installing doors. Wretched job.
Favorite part: Reading the family stories at each work site. I learned a lot, not only about how to build houses, but also about H4H. These homes aren't "given" to people. These men and women are mothers, fathers, they're working more than one job. They pay mortgages on these homes once they move in. The homes aren't fancy. And while you have people who work for H4H, most of the work is done by volunteers. College students, churches, concerned citizens.
On our first day, it was freezing. You would think that mid-March in the deep south would be decently warm. It was not. It was flurrying snow in AL, while it was unseasonably warm in PA, this is what our work site looked like:
By Friday, we were so invested in our projects, that we stayed an hour or so longer just to get the houses ready for the blitz build that was coming in on Saturday:
One of the most moving parts of the trip was visiting the Civil Rights Museum in downtown. They don't let you take photos inside, but either way, I think everyone should go there and learn something. But it on your bucket list:
So why am I telling you all this? About a trip I took two years ago? When spring break is 2 months away?
It just so happens that yesterday I agreed to go on Alternative Spring Break again. Again working with Habitat, and I cannot wait! I had such a great time the first time I went. Now if they will just teach me to install flooring and cabinets, maybe I can fix up my house....
It's like I have ESPN or something...
Do you ever wonder if you have a sixth sense? Or if such things exist? Logic tells me it doesn't, but experience tells me something else.
As a little kid, I loved ghost stories. Still do, actually. My cousin and I go see every ridiculous horror film possible. Exorcism of Emily Rose, The Rite, Chernobyl Diaries, Sinister, you name it. I love American Horror Story. We even went on an overnight ghost adventure in a haunted prison! Something about what is unseen and the battle between benevolent and manevolent forces and where they come from fascinates, not scares me.
Still, most of the time, I feel most of the occurrances that people claim can be debunked. I don't do the fortune teller thing, tarot cards, palm reading, oujia boards, devining rods, big foot, etc. You can't bend spoons with your mind. You can however, weaken spoons, and then bend them with the heat and slight movement of your fingers. Just a trick I learned in Paranormal Psych. You know, when I wasn't playing kings in the KDR suite instead of going to night class.
Yet, several times a year, I have slight premonitions in dreams. The first time I can recall, I was in high school. I dreamed that I was in Biology II, and we were listening to cassette tape, but the volume wouldn't go high enough, and we kept yelling at my classmate to turn it up. Wouldn't you know, the next day, we were watching something on the projector and the classmate whose desk it was on kept getting yelled at to turn the volume up. The same classmate in the dream.
Sometimes it's super specific such as that. Other times it's subtle. A comment in passing, running into a friend who I'd randomly dreamed about, a similar story on the news. I used to get really freaked out; I first started experiencing deja vu when I was about 10, and having dreams where I interacted with loved ones who have passed. Things like that were scary and confusing. Once I made peace with it, I wasn't anxious about it anymore.
What's the explanation for all these things? Coincidence? What is it in our subconscious that gives us these feelings or clues? I dream nightly. Apparently we all do, but most of us don't remember our dreams. I do for the most part, and 9 times out of 10 my dreams are totally irrelevant and off the wall. Seriously. One of my friends' favorite "Stacy" stories is the time I woke up after a particularly disturbing dream about my biggest fear, Nazis. My arms were covered in bruises. Yes, I know this fear is irrational and outdated by about 70 years.And I'm the picture of the Aryan race. But this is the type of stuff in my subconscious apparently. I desperately cannot shut my brain off. Sometimes it takes me a long time just to fall asleep because I'm so much inside of my head.
Regardless of the probablility of the sixth sense, is it a gift or a curse to be so pensive? Sometimes I wish my instincts weren't so good and that I could stop thinking for a while. Ignorance is bliss. Right?
As a little kid, I loved ghost stories. Still do, actually. My cousin and I go see every ridiculous horror film possible. Exorcism of Emily Rose, The Rite, Chernobyl Diaries, Sinister, you name it. I love American Horror Story. We even went on an overnight ghost adventure in a haunted prison! Something about what is unseen and the battle between benevolent and manevolent forces and where they come from fascinates, not scares me.
Still, most of the time, I feel most of the occurrances that people claim can be debunked. I don't do the fortune teller thing, tarot cards, palm reading, oujia boards, devining rods, big foot, etc. You can't bend spoons with your mind. You can however, weaken spoons, and then bend them with the heat and slight movement of your fingers. Just a trick I learned in Paranormal Psych. You know, when I wasn't playing kings in the KDR suite instead of going to night class.
Yet, several times a year, I have slight premonitions in dreams. The first time I can recall, I was in high school. I dreamed that I was in Biology II, and we were listening to cassette tape, but the volume wouldn't go high enough, and we kept yelling at my classmate to turn it up. Wouldn't you know, the next day, we were watching something on the projector and the classmate whose desk it was on kept getting yelled at to turn the volume up. The same classmate in the dream.
Sometimes it's super specific such as that. Other times it's subtle. A comment in passing, running into a friend who I'd randomly dreamed about, a similar story on the news. I used to get really freaked out; I first started experiencing deja vu when I was about 10, and having dreams where I interacted with loved ones who have passed. Things like that were scary and confusing. Once I made peace with it, I wasn't anxious about it anymore.
What's the explanation for all these things? Coincidence? What is it in our subconscious that gives us these feelings or clues? I dream nightly. Apparently we all do, but most of us don't remember our dreams. I do for the most part, and 9 times out of 10 my dreams are totally irrelevant and off the wall. Seriously. One of my friends' favorite "Stacy" stories is the time I woke up after a particularly disturbing dream about my biggest fear, Nazis. My arms were covered in bruises. Yes, I know this fear is irrational and outdated by about 70 years.And I'm the picture of the Aryan race. But this is the type of stuff in my subconscious apparently. I desperately cannot shut my brain off. Sometimes it takes me a long time just to fall asleep because I'm so much inside of my head.
Regardless of the probablility of the sixth sense, is it a gift or a curse to be so pensive? Sometimes I wish my instincts weren't so good and that I could stop thinking for a while. Ignorance is bliss. Right?
Friday, January 11, 2013
Pinterest, Friend or Foe?
I'm going to piggy back on Consumption Junction and address Pinterest. I've been a pinterest user for over a year now, and there is a lot to be said for the site. It's a great way to kill some time, get craft or recipe ideas, to give you a good laugh, to build your dream closet or your dream home. And I've definitely tried some things I've seen on the site, such as dressing up my bathroom vanity by skirting some fabric around it.
But I think there are some ugly sides to Pinterest as well. The side that feeds into America's gross consumerism and gluttony. I see things on Pinterest that I'm sure have to be a joke because no one would ever do/buy/eat that, right?!
One thing to remember about Pinterest is that the content is user generated, and there isn't always a proper context attached to each "pin". I've seen some things passed around the site that make me shudder. For example, I'm a career counselor by trade. It's my job to assist college students with their professional development. I've seen lots of "professional" hints and tips for interview preparation, resume formats, and what to wear. Most of this stuff is wrong. To put it nicely, this information might be accurate for certain industries, particular people, or specific situations, but I'm guessing if a person is looking for a job, they may or may not know whether something is appropriate for them or their field.
How about the wedding board that everyone has whether they're getting married, have been married for years or not even dating anyone? I have one. I hate that I have one, but I do. I've totally sold out, because if I don't collect all these ideas now, how will I ever plan my wedding if that day comes? God forbid I forget about putting lace on mason jars and putting tea lights in them for decorations. Or if I miss out on THE dress. My potential wedding might be ruined.
Another thing I've noticed is that we must not at all be satisfied with our quality of food. Because if you need to make "lasagna" out of layers of candy bars, marshmallow fluff, m&m's, and graham crackers, there is obviously something in your regular diet you are not getting and you're making up for it in refined sugars and preservatives.
Do we really need things like deep fried oreos? Do we really need to make turduckens? What's wrong with one really well prepared and cooked bird? I ask myself this all the time. How people can prefer or gravitate towards things like chicken patties and heat attack inducing "loaded" mashed potatoes. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE food. I love it way too much. I'm guilty of being addicted to cheese and having the occassional Primanti's pastrami sandwich. I cook with real butter and olive oil. I change up, create, and add to recipes all the time.
But I think people are taking things way to far now, and in the total wrong direction. When Hostess went out of business last month, I saw mass hysteria over twinkies. Twinkies. Really? I don't know if I had a twinkie in my life prior to the age of 15 or 16. No, my parents were not health food nuts. But my mom made things from scratch. Growing up, we never had storebought goodies. No ready made pie crusts or fillings. Having the real thing and then trying something made with additives and fillers is disappointing to say the least. And to tell you the truth about twinkies, I think they taste like someone put paste in a sponge.
Adding cookie dough to your brownie batter will not cure your sweet tooth. All you're doing is increasing your sugar addiction and numbing your tastebuds. Focus on the fun of cooking, use healthy, natural ingredients, and I guarantee you will feel better, the food will taste better, and you will feel satisfied. You won't want or need these:
Cause you know, peeps just weren't enough sugar by themselves.
No everyone go check out www.pinterestyouaredrunk.tumblr.com It's always good for a laugh! Pin carefully readers!
But I think there are some ugly sides to Pinterest as well. The side that feeds into America's gross consumerism and gluttony. I see things on Pinterest that I'm sure have to be a joke because no one would ever do/buy/eat that, right?!
One thing to remember about Pinterest is that the content is user generated, and there isn't always a proper context attached to each "pin". I've seen some things passed around the site that make me shudder. For example, I'm a career counselor by trade. It's my job to assist college students with their professional development. I've seen lots of "professional" hints and tips for interview preparation, resume formats, and what to wear. Most of this stuff is wrong. To put it nicely, this information might be accurate for certain industries, particular people, or specific situations, but I'm guessing if a person is looking for a job, they may or may not know whether something is appropriate for them or their field.
How about the wedding board that everyone has whether they're getting married, have been married for years or not even dating anyone? I have one. I hate that I have one, but I do. I've totally sold out, because if I don't collect all these ideas now, how will I ever plan my wedding if that day comes? God forbid I forget about putting lace on mason jars and putting tea lights in them for decorations. Or if I miss out on THE dress. My potential wedding might be ruined.
Another thing I've noticed is that we must not at all be satisfied with our quality of food. Because if you need to make "lasagna" out of layers of candy bars, marshmallow fluff, m&m's, and graham crackers, there is obviously something in your regular diet you are not getting and you're making up for it in refined sugars and preservatives.
Do we really need things like deep fried oreos? Do we really need to make turduckens? What's wrong with one really well prepared and cooked bird? I ask myself this all the time. How people can prefer or gravitate towards things like chicken patties and heat attack inducing "loaded" mashed potatoes. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE food. I love it way too much. I'm guilty of being addicted to cheese and having the occassional Primanti's pastrami sandwich. I cook with real butter and olive oil. I change up, create, and add to recipes all the time.
But I think people are taking things way to far now, and in the total wrong direction. When Hostess went out of business last month, I saw mass hysteria over twinkies. Twinkies. Really? I don't know if I had a twinkie in my life prior to the age of 15 or 16. No, my parents were not health food nuts. But my mom made things from scratch. Growing up, we never had storebought goodies. No ready made pie crusts or fillings. Having the real thing and then trying something made with additives and fillers is disappointing to say the least. And to tell you the truth about twinkies, I think they taste like someone put paste in a sponge.
Adding cookie dough to your brownie batter will not cure your sweet tooth. All you're doing is increasing your sugar addiction and numbing your tastebuds. Focus on the fun of cooking, use healthy, natural ingredients, and I guarantee you will feel better, the food will taste better, and you will feel satisfied. You won't want or need these:
No everyone go check out www.pinterestyouaredrunk.tumblr.com It's always good for a laugh! Pin carefully readers!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Consumption Junction, What's Your Function?
This week, I was thinking about how different my life is compared with my life of a few years ago. It's not just the chronological age I've gained, but I went through a lot of other changes as well. I got a master's degree. I took on a completely different job. I had weight loss surgery. Moved a couple times. In many ways, I feel like my mid-twenties was sort of a dream, a three year time period of being in limbo and not really going anywhere, just living for the weekend and having a lot of time on my hands.
These days, time is a precious item. Even weekends involve work, traveling, cooking, cleaning, maintaining relationships, obligations. But I don't want this week's entry to be about me whining. Because I'm not the only one who changed in the last several years. Society has changed. In some ways for the good, i.e. gay rights. But more and more, I see how the media has affected our soceity and it's capacity to consume.
Oscar Wilde (one of my favorite authors) is credited with stating that, "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilation in between." I tend to agree with the man. All you need to do is turn on the television set and you see the monstrosities women call wedding dresses on Say Yes to the Dress, or the fact that someone, somewhere decided it was okay to melt ketchup and margarine together to make "Sketties" such as on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
I do understand this is not a new concept, the whole "American Dream" and "keeping up with the Joneses" is something that has been done for decades. But now instead of comparing Ford Thunderbirds to Chrysler 300's, it's about Mercedes vs Porches and shows like My Super Sweet 16 where cars are given to kids who can barely get their learning permit. And it's not just the material things like cars, iPhones, and designer handbags. It's the intangible as well. Private school educations, travel, plastic surgery. And don't get me started in Pinterest. That's my next blog.
One of my favorite movies, Mean Girls, was on television last week and of course I had to watch it. There's a scene where the main character, Cady, watches her new "friends" look in a mirror and almost ritualistically beat themselves up. In turn, the next girl says something bad about herself, thus not only fitting in, but making the previous girl(s) feel better. In her internal dialogue, Cady remarks, "I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently, there's lots of things that can be wrong with your body."
Like Cady, until recently, I lived in that same bubble. But as I have more life experiences, and I change, I'm starting to learn that there are a whole host of things that people are worried about. Stuff that anyone could fall prey to if they let themselves. For example, I frequent a site called reddit. It's not quite a social network, more like an online community and social news site. You can subscribe to any number of sub-reddits for whatever interest you may have. Some of my subsciptions are soccer, relationships, Pittsburgh, Irish Music, etc. You get the picture.
Other redditors submit interesting links, pictures, and videos for comment, or just to share. Many sub-reddits are designed for people to ask advice on situations. And the questions I've seen show me just how much people have bought into the marketing they are fed from TV programs, comercials, porn, movies, each other, and so on. Americans are so insecure. Every day there are questions on reddit and countless other sites such as "I think the gap between my breasts is too large", or "I'm 17 and don't have a car, will any girl ever date me?"
Really!? You mean now that I have the job, a place of my own and I'm working on losing weight, I STILL have to worry about something?! My quality of life won't change because now I have to be concerned about drinking the right drink, make love like a porn star (thank you, Jenna Jameson), dress like Coco Chanel, cook like Ina Garten and look like Kim Kardashian? Well that's just fantastic. I'll get right on that. NOT. It's impossible.
So, what is it all for?! I could fall prey to this line of thinking and worry about everything from how my foot sweat smells to the tiniest scratch on my iPod. I'm certain that I can buy products to "improve" or "solve" these "problems". But in the end, who besides myself, is even noticing these things, let alone caring about them?
Many years ago, I was commiserating with someone about how much I hate my flabby arms. No amount of weight lost or exercise has toned them up, they are my worst trouble spot. And you know what she said to me? "I never noticed them. No one cares about your arms, just you." I may never be comfortable in a tank top. But from that day forward, I have learned to stop obssessing over a lot of my insecurities. I try to remember her words and realize that no one is focused on my arms, or the label on my purse, the value of my house, etc. And if they are, it sounds like they have the problem. Not me.
These days, time is a precious item. Even weekends involve work, traveling, cooking, cleaning, maintaining relationships, obligations. But I don't want this week's entry to be about me whining. Because I'm not the only one who changed in the last several years. Society has changed. In some ways for the good, i.e. gay rights. But more and more, I see how the media has affected our soceity and it's capacity to consume.
Oscar Wilde (one of my favorite authors) is credited with stating that, "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilation in between." I tend to agree with the man. All you need to do is turn on the television set and you see the monstrosities women call wedding dresses on Say Yes to the Dress, or the fact that someone, somewhere decided it was okay to melt ketchup and margarine together to make "Sketties" such as on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
I do understand this is not a new concept, the whole "American Dream" and "keeping up with the Joneses" is something that has been done for decades. But now instead of comparing Ford Thunderbirds to Chrysler 300's, it's about Mercedes vs Porches and shows like My Super Sweet 16 where cars are given to kids who can barely get their learning permit. And it's not just the material things like cars, iPhones, and designer handbags. It's the intangible as well. Private school educations, travel, plastic surgery. And don't get me started in Pinterest. That's my next blog.
One of my favorite movies, Mean Girls, was on television last week and of course I had to watch it. There's a scene where the main character, Cady, watches her new "friends" look in a mirror and almost ritualistically beat themselves up. In turn, the next girl says something bad about herself, thus not only fitting in, but making the previous girl(s) feel better. In her internal dialogue, Cady remarks, "I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently, there's lots of things that can be wrong with your body."
Like Cady, until recently, I lived in that same bubble. But as I have more life experiences, and I change, I'm starting to learn that there are a whole host of things that people are worried about. Stuff that anyone could fall prey to if they let themselves. For example, I frequent a site called reddit. It's not quite a social network, more like an online community and social news site. You can subscribe to any number of sub-reddits for whatever interest you may have. Some of my subsciptions are soccer, relationships, Pittsburgh, Irish Music, etc. You get the picture.
Other redditors submit interesting links, pictures, and videos for comment, or just to share. Many sub-reddits are designed for people to ask advice on situations. And the questions I've seen show me just how much people have bought into the marketing they are fed from TV programs, comercials, porn, movies, each other, and so on. Americans are so insecure. Every day there are questions on reddit and countless other sites such as "I think the gap between my breasts is too large", or "I'm 17 and don't have a car, will any girl ever date me?"
Really!? You mean now that I have the job, a place of my own and I'm working on losing weight, I STILL have to worry about something?! My quality of life won't change because now I have to be concerned about drinking the right drink, make love like a porn star (thank you, Jenna Jameson), dress like Coco Chanel, cook like Ina Garten and look like Kim Kardashian? Well that's just fantastic. I'll get right on that. NOT. It's impossible.
So, what is it all for?! I could fall prey to this line of thinking and worry about everything from how my foot sweat smells to the tiniest scratch on my iPod. I'm certain that I can buy products to "improve" or "solve" these "problems". But in the end, who besides myself, is even noticing these things, let alone caring about them?
Many years ago, I was commiserating with someone about how much I hate my flabby arms. No amount of weight lost or exercise has toned them up, they are my worst trouble spot. And you know what she said to me? "I never noticed them. No one cares about your arms, just you." I may never be comfortable in a tank top. But from that day forward, I have learned to stop obssessing over a lot of my insecurities. I try to remember her words and realize that no one is focused on my arms, or the label on my purse, the value of my house, etc. And if they are, it sounds like they have the problem. Not me.
Friday, January 4, 2013
What I really learned in my 20's
I see a lot of articles such as "20 Things You Should Learn in Your Twenties", or "Your Before 30 Bucket List", etc. Some of them are interesting or even valuable. But when I think about what I really learned in the last decade, or what I should have learned, many of those things didn't make the list.
So here are five things that I found to be important lessons, even if no one put them on some "must have" list.
5. Never take a good casserole dish/platter/nice dinnerware to a boy's house.
This is silly and ancedotal, I know. But just a heads up. My mama and daddy raised a lady who never goes to a person's house empty handed. And I love to cook or bake. So if you're like me, keep this in mind; unless you can bear not seeing that item again, take some gladware. Not your tupperware, not your vintage casserole dish, pyrex, or pretty platter. Because these things get lost, broken, or worse yet, your heart gets broken before you can get it back.
4. How to take a compliment.
Admittedly, I am still kind of bad in this department. Compliment me, and I'm a deer in headlights. But I have gotten better! I've learned to at least say "Thank you" and quickly change the subject. So if you're the type who is self conscious and self deprecating, work on this. No one wants to get into a whole pissing contest about how your eyes are only pretty because of your makeup technique or you're only smart because you're just a hermit who reads a lot. You're just smart. You're just pretty. Deal with it. The more you protest, the more you seem attention seeking and the more you frustrate the complimenter.
3. How to deal with a fuse box.
For the first I don't know, 25 years of my life, I had no clue how to even look at a fuse box. If a fuse went, I would freeze in my tracks and let someone else deal with it. I have no clue what the hell I was so scared of. It is very easy to identify which fuse you need to hit and press the button. Even changing a fuse isn't hard. I realize that you shouldn't try to re-wire your own home for obvious reasons, but a blown fuse is like replacing a lightbulb. I wish I hadn't been so helpless about it for so long, because that's just silly.
2. Parents have the say as long as they have the money.
This isn't something I had to learn myself really, I get along great with my parents and we've always had a really great and open relationship. They've always trusted me, and I was always pretty open with them. They knew my friends and I didn't really get into trouble. But most people don't have that luxury. I hear endless frustrations from my younger friends (and some of my students) about how their parents "boss" them around or just don't understand their choices or preferences. Personally, I do believe everyone should be able to live the life they choose. But until you're able to support yourself financially, your parents get to make the rules. Sorry all you young, frustrated readers out there. But the person who owns the house/pays the bills/feeds/clothes you has the power. Yes, they can set a curfew for you, despite the fact that you haven't slept in your own dorm room all semester.They can ask you to wear a sweater over that dress. We can hope that they will be understanding, fair, and open minded about things, but the reality is that they don't have to be. So if you're over 18, and you don't like it, get a job, move out and start living the life you want to. Otherwise, stop whining, respect your parents and bide your time until you can manage to move out.
1. Google it!
Learn how to research something. It astounds me how unaware people are. I google everything. Don't waste your time (or your friends' and family members' time) by asking everyone under the sun what time the mall opens. Look it up. Or look up their number and call them. With the availability of information and resources we have these days, the excuses people have for "I didn't know" or "No one ever told me" are running very thin. I can promise you, for a lot of the questions I get asked, I go straight to google. I am not some all-knowing, all-seeing wonder. I'm resourceful, which is a valuable skill to have.
So there you have it. My list of things you should learn as a young adult. It's not fashionable or trendy, but I think there are some things that are overlooked or assumed when you reach a certain age, but sometimes you still have to learn these by trial and error and everyone has their own lessons to learn.
I hope everyone is having a great start to the new year!
So here are five things that I found to be important lessons, even if no one put them on some "must have" list.
5. Never take a good casserole dish/platter/nice dinnerware to a boy's house.
This is silly and ancedotal, I know. But just a heads up. My mama and daddy raised a lady who never goes to a person's house empty handed. And I love to cook or bake. So if you're like me, keep this in mind; unless you can bear not seeing that item again, take some gladware. Not your tupperware, not your vintage casserole dish, pyrex, or pretty platter. Because these things get lost, broken, or worse yet, your heart gets broken before you can get it back.
4. How to take a compliment.
Admittedly, I am still kind of bad in this department. Compliment me, and I'm a deer in headlights. But I have gotten better! I've learned to at least say "Thank you" and quickly change the subject. So if you're the type who is self conscious and self deprecating, work on this. No one wants to get into a whole pissing contest about how your eyes are only pretty because of your makeup technique or you're only smart because you're just a hermit who reads a lot. You're just smart. You're just pretty. Deal with it. The more you protest, the more you seem attention seeking and the more you frustrate the complimenter.
3. How to deal with a fuse box.
For the first I don't know, 25 years of my life, I had no clue how to even look at a fuse box. If a fuse went, I would freeze in my tracks and let someone else deal with it. I have no clue what the hell I was so scared of. It is very easy to identify which fuse you need to hit and press the button. Even changing a fuse isn't hard. I realize that you shouldn't try to re-wire your own home for obvious reasons, but a blown fuse is like replacing a lightbulb. I wish I hadn't been so helpless about it for so long, because that's just silly.
2. Parents have the say as long as they have the money.
This isn't something I had to learn myself really, I get along great with my parents and we've always had a really great and open relationship. They've always trusted me, and I was always pretty open with them. They knew my friends and I didn't really get into trouble. But most people don't have that luxury. I hear endless frustrations from my younger friends (and some of my students) about how their parents "boss" them around or just don't understand their choices or preferences. Personally, I do believe everyone should be able to live the life they choose. But until you're able to support yourself financially, your parents get to make the rules. Sorry all you young, frustrated readers out there. But the person who owns the house/pays the bills/feeds/clothes you has the power. Yes, they can set a curfew for you, despite the fact that you haven't slept in your own dorm room all semester.They can ask you to wear a sweater over that dress. We can hope that they will be understanding, fair, and open minded about things, but the reality is that they don't have to be. So if you're over 18, and you don't like it, get a job, move out and start living the life you want to. Otherwise, stop whining, respect your parents and bide your time until you can manage to move out.
1. Google it!
Learn how to research something. It astounds me how unaware people are. I google everything. Don't waste your time (or your friends' and family members' time) by asking everyone under the sun what time the mall opens. Look it up. Or look up their number and call them. With the availability of information and resources we have these days, the excuses people have for "I didn't know" or "No one ever told me" are running very thin. I can promise you, for a lot of the questions I get asked, I go straight to google. I am not some all-knowing, all-seeing wonder. I'm resourceful, which is a valuable skill to have.
So there you have it. My list of things you should learn as a young adult. It's not fashionable or trendy, but I think there are some things that are overlooked or assumed when you reach a certain age, but sometimes you still have to learn these by trial and error and everyone has their own lessons to learn.
I hope everyone is having a great start to the new year!
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