I'm slowly realizing that most adults in this day and age do not have the long-term and in-depth friendships that I assumed. This is not a diss to new friends at all, or anyone else. Rather to address something that has me so thankful for my friends. Whether new or old, because there are many I consider family at this point from all "eras" of my life.
Everyone is unique, and I am no exception. Most people are completely surprised to learn that I'm actually more introverted than I am extroverted. Not bragging, but I have never struggled to make friends, although I often assume I will. Frequently, I will be anxious in social situations, but for the most part, I trusted myself and my upbringing/manners/charm to see me through. I also prefer the company of a few people to several, and I need lots of alone time to recharge my batteries. I HATE crowds, any large, noisy group. Which is funny, because sometimes I'm a commotion, all by myself. This is something I've always understood, accepted, and attempted to explain, but now, I just take for granted. I'm seen as miss social director, miss social butterfly. And I have what I feel are circles of friends. Sometimes I worry because I don't have one cohesive circle. Many of my "circles" have collided in the past, so it's not always a length of friendship type-thing. Often, I will have very close friends whom have never met each other, even though I confide in them and talk to them the same way. The opportunity has just never presented itself for them to actually meet.
I have friends who I have been friends with my entire life, since primary school and we were practically raised together. I count some of them as my "best" friends and I know their parents as if they are my own. But I can also state, with some regret, that it wasn't until at least my 20's, that I really trusted people, so I'm glad we had a history and they stuck around to see and love the person I am today and we can continue our bond.
My friends in college saw another side of me, as I slowly opened up. When you're living with people, there's lots you can't hide about yourself, your habits, your dreams. So my friends from college were the first to see glimpses of the un-censored, non-politically correct me. The first to see and accept me being upset or mad, the first that I talked about relationships with, the first people I really "let go" with.
Let's call the present day as my late-20's, early-30's. Here is where I decided to let it "all hang out". Where I was not going to care because I had friends and family who I had begun to trust (finally), and I didn't need to be anything else. I would tell anyone who cared enough to ask the truth about anything. This was and still is a huge step for me, because I am so guarded. But in my old-age, I'm learning to appreciate my friends' advice and involvement in my life, and that it's much easier going through life being honest.
And in between you have coworkers, grad school buddies, and friends who have fallen in multiple circles. Those with whom I've instantly hit it off with because we're practically the same person, I or share some odd affinity or situation with, the people you've worked long or late hours with, the ones you trust completely. The friends who've hit it off with other friends and it's hard to remember a beginning or end.
When I think about it, so many of my friendships were unintentional. One night out with the Stooges, we tried to figure out ages, where/when we became friends, where we had all been at a certain dates in time. It was odd to think that a few short years ago, we didn't know each other, considering what we know and how we act together now; we wished we had been friends sooner, to celebrate some important life events together, but obviously we can't go back. And in a different "circle", one of my friends' husbands can't believe the length of time we've been friends, since it spans so much more than 20 years at this point.
The important thing to remember is to above all, be yourself. Even if you are shy or anxious, as I am, you will find coping mechanisms and like-minded people. Be willing to make friends and trust them just a little. It's worth it. Also, don't worry when or how you've met someone or how long you've been friends. That's not important. As Ralph Waldo Emerson, one of my favorite writers, once said, "It's not the length of life, but the depth of life." It is the same with your friends.
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