A few weeks ago, I was out with a large group of friends, and as it always does, the conversation came around to dating. All of us are in that 25-35 range and at different places in our relationship statuses, but most of us are unmarried. We talked about how long you should wait before bringing a significant other around your friends. Maybe not talking about your *best* friends or your roommate(s) if you have them, because that's kind of unavoidable and happens naturally. But friends meaning your other relatively close friends or colleagues you see really frequently.
While I have never been one to rush a relationship along, I realized that I was kind of the minority because I don't really care or think about the timing of that introduction. And as I sometimes tend to do, I good-naturedly chided one of my friends. Being that we were the oldest two in the crowd, I pointed out something I learned in the past year or so.
At this point in my life, I'm not worried about being something I'm not or being picky about whom meets whom and when. Not only am I a horrible liar, if I were to be in a relationship, I would want it to be with someone who is going to enjoy or at least accept the things I do and the people I choose to spend my time with. I'm not saying that I'm going to forego makeup, stop going to the gym, quit cleaning the house, or let my manners go out the window. I'm not saying that a person can't change or experience growth once you hit this point either, I very strongly believe in personal growth at all ages.
But when a person (as in myself) is 30, has an established career, circle of friends, routine, hobbies, etc. You tend to not want to waste your time with someone who won't fit into all of that. I know life changes when you meet the right person; priorities change and a relationship progresses. And you need things and friends for yourself, or at least I know I do. I don't expect a man to want to come with me to a musical or the spa with me. And it's okay if he likes monster trucks and nascar. We don't have to share every interest.
I don't believe in soul mates, which I know so many people do. I believe in great loves and many things, but not soul mates. I believe I have a soul, but I believe it is mine and God's. It doesn't belong to someone else. This is because, to me, relationships are a combination of timing, chemistry, and a common way of thinking/lifestyle. There are men out there who can build a life with, and likewise, I am one of several women they can build a life with. The question is, when are we both ready and will we be in each other's lives at that point? Will we figure out what we want to be together and will that happen for both of us at the same time? Maybe we've known each other for years or maybe I haven't met him yet.
The thing is, while I know there's lots of room for growth in my life, there are a lot of things I refuse to change or give up. Those things will always be a part of me. I don't see a reason why I should tailor anything from my taste in music to my schedule for someone else. Maybe I will acquire new appreciations, hobbies and habits, but it shouldn't be in pursuit of someone, it should happen naturally. Because if I have to force it (whether they ask me to or not), then I'm pretty sure it's already doomed.
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