"Nice Guys"

Something which I felt the need post about because I've been reading about it a lot lately: What is the deal with "nice guys"? I see it on the Reddit forums, I read it in articles online, and I've seen it with my own experience dating. A lot of men label themselves "Nice Guys", and all I see is how bitter and disrespectful they are. I personally, have never once whined about being a "Nice Girl". I think I get friend zoned, but I don't blame it on people. I'm just a great friend, rarely act on my emotions, and I'm ordinary enough where I can fit that friend category well. But you know what? That is not the only reason why you should date someone. What about what else we have in common? What about how attracted we are to each other? Lifestyle? Values? Chemistry? Those things are important too, so I don't get too bent out of shape. You can't force these things.

One of my favorite movies is "The Wedding Date" with Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney, you should check it out. Debra's character hires Dermot's character to be her date to her little sister's wedding so that she doesn't have to face her overbearing family (mother) and the best man (her ex) alone. His character tells her that, "every woman has the exact love life she wants". I'm not saying this is true of everyone or every situation, what strides is a person living in their parents' basement, spending 99% of their life playing WoW and on reddit making to find a life, let alone a love life? Or the people who stubbornly ignore the boundaries set by others? I've tried online dating and I set very exact parameters because I don't want to waste anyone's time. I want my own family, so I don't want someone more than 10 years older than me, and I want to have a proper relationship despite my busy schedule, so I don't want someone too far from me. Yet, I would receive message after message from men in their 40's and 50's, or from far away states. One man (in his mid 40's) went so far as to send me multiple messages and then a nasty message telling me that men resort to obscene messages because women "like me" ignore "nice guys like him".  I didn't decline his advances because he was "too nice" or for any superficial reason. It was because in my profile, I stated my preferences, he ignored them. I told him it wouldn't work and why, yet he continued. What part of that, or his final e-mail to me was "nice"?

The point is, it wasn't nice. Not at all. It seems to me, that some men think that just because they don't look like Ryan Reynolds, or act like a "bro", they're automatically a "nice guy". Or just because someone hurt them, they are a "nice guy". Guess what! You're not. Every person out there is different and has a story.  For example, I really wouldn't categorize anyone I've personally dated as a "bad guy". Not right for me, well, yeah. In my adventures though, there have been friends made, horrible first dates, broken hearts, you name it. That's what dating is, though! It's not all sunshine and roses. If you let it make you hard or bitter, that's on you. That's not on me or any other woman to restore your faith in dating or fix you. You have to do that yourself. No one owes you a date, a relationship, or sex, just because you're "nice" or don't "force" yourself on us, ("Gee, thanks for not kidnapping/killing/raping/beating me, I guess I should be grateful."/sarcasm). Also, re-think your definition of "nice". Is it being polite and putting other's first? Is it going out and meeting like-minded people? Is it being the best version of yourself and happy BEFORE you start looking for love and casting judgement? Because it should be.

So anyone out there, guy or girl, who wants to call themselves "nice", check yo self 'fore you wreck yo self.