You had a toy and you broke it.

I was watching reruns of one of my favorite shows, How I Met Your Mother, and it was the episode directly after Ted is left at the altar. For those of you who aren't viewers, I'll give you the reader's digest version: The main character, Ted is set to marry the woman he thinks is "the one", Stella. However, she leaves him after seeing her ex who has had a change of heart and can commit to her and their daughter. Realizing that she, too, has unresolved feelings, she leaves Ted a note.

Cut to Ted putting half the island of Manhattan on restriction because he cannot run into Stella. He can't go anywhere that is too close to her gym, her dry cleaner, her eye doctor, and so on. Ted's friends are frustrated because they can't eat at the favorite places, and up until that point, they had thought Ted was dealing really well with the situation. Now what to do they do? They eventually find a restaruant in a "safe" zone, but of course since this is a television program; Stella enters to grab some food to go, causing the 5 to hide under the table. While there, the characters talk about the person in their lives that they simply can't bear seeing and the reason why.

This got me thinking about the places or people I avoid. I know I have them. There are the places I can't go because of botched first dates, events I don't go to because of friendships that came to an impasse, etc. Confession time; I'm terrified to go to my gym because I once went on a date with a guy who is also a member. We didn't meet at the gym, but I know he goes there. After the date, I never called back (I know this is immature and mean). Now I use the gym at work, or plan to go to the gym when I'm pretty sure he won't be there.

All of these things, these instances, both those that are my fault and those that aren't, remind me of a time that I was talking to a friend that found themselves in a similar situation. There was relationship that went sour and while that was regrettable, it wasn't completely unexpected. My friend hadn't been ready for things to go that way and never wanted to hurt the other party. And my response was "You had a toy, and you broke it. That's what you did."

Now, of course I never meant to imply that people are "toys", yet in the moment, I just blurted out the line and it's been an inside joke ever since. But I still think the metaphor rings true. In a way, I was calling out my friend on they way they handled things. Sometimes, we want things the way a child wants things. Then we get them, and we destroy them. Once that happens, we don't always get another chance to fix things or make them right. Ted wanted to get married so badly, he ignored Stella's request to not have exes at the wedding. And while Stella's character is the "bad guy", it doesn't change the fact that Ted was blind about her and consequences. I hesitate using my regular gym because I was short-sighted about the consequences of my actions. One uncomfortable conversation could have saved me a whole lot of long-term anxiety. And it could be that he also now feels anxious about using that gym, the way Ted did after Stella dissed him.

I'm not saying that every person and every thing is so completely breakable that we're all just the walking wounded and wounders of this world. That's no way to go through life, so it's time to put your big girl or boy pants on. There's a lot to be said for experience and heartbreak. It shapes us and builds character. It makes us who we are. I am actually extremely grateful for a lot of things and people that might otherwise be seen as failures, because I chose to learn from them and take them for what they are and move on. Now maybe it's time to rejoin my favorite Body Works class to prove that I've learned the lesson of facing up to my mistakes, too.