T-12 hours

Here goes. In 12 hours, I will officially be 30. Christmas has come and gone. I dealt with the family dinner and the, "What is wrong with you?" question from my mother about my love life. I've made my NYE plans and those are to spend it quietly, playing rock band and drinking bourbon punch with very close friends after stopping by my best friend's house to see her family and my godson.

I do feel really weird. Suddenly anxious. Anxious about NYE outside of birthday, even though I have a pressure free celebration planned. And anxious that things will change. But in recent days, I've felt strangely empowered about being 30. Yes, it means I'm a little older. I'm not a 20-something. Yes, a lot of my friends are in committed relationships. But on the other hand, I'm THIRTY. I'm not going to put up with bullshit anymore. I'm not going to just dance around things any more. This is me. Take it or leave it. I'm absolutely done with the vagueness, the politics, the fakeness of my 20's. I legitimately don't have time for it, and really, should anyone even expect me to?

Not that I was ever a fake person, or chased anyone or anything. That was never me, sometimes to a fault. But I can admit to giving more of myself, my time, my emotion, my energy, my thoughts than people deserved. I admit to not saying, "no" enough. I admit that I have done or said a lot of things I didn't want to or that weren't 100% sincere because at times, it was just easier than to do or say what I really felt. But I'm not doing that anymore. I don't mean that I'm going to become this Queen Bitch now that I'm 30, hurting people is never the way to go. I just realize that the key to true happiness is staying true to yourself. I've always known that, but I get hesitant at times because I love making others happy. I do what I can to make them happy, but I've been doing this at my own expense for a long time. I think I'll be a little more selective about those situations.

It's about trusting yourself and trusting your friends. If you can't trust that someone will still be there for you because you didn't drop everything for a last minute happy hour or coffee date, what does that say about your relationship? It's actually insulting to them that you think so little of your connection. So go ahead, say "no" when you need to because your friends and family will understand. You don't need to answer every text, every call, go to everything. What you do need to do is be emotionally available and communicate with the people you care about. That's what matters, quality, not quantity.

So, farewell 2012 and farewell 29. We'll never meet again, but I enjoyed you.